half way to heaven

hello! I am pleased to announce that I am in my 20th week and my pregnancy has hit the half way mark (full term = 40 weeks). From this week, onwards, measurement of the baby's size and length includes its feet (before this, the measurement was from its head to its little butt) so this week the baby measures approximately the length of a banana!

The time thing is playing tricks on me again. Of course, reaching the halfway mark feels great and like we're nearly there, but on the other hand, we still have another 20 weeks or about 4.5 months to go before we say hello face to face with our little Bi. The anticipation never wanes but only grows and grows. LUCKILY in T minus 2 days we will get a chance to see Baby Bi by ultrasound and hopefully find out whether we can buy pink or blue onesies!! :-)

The pink and blue conversation is one that induces in me, some confusion of what parenting philosophy we should adopt towards gender socialization. I have for months now, been DYING to buy little baby clothes nursery decor etc. Early on I proudly vowed that I would not succumb to the retail and social pressures of pink for girls and blue for boys.

So when U's parents were visiting and we came upon a super sale of infants clothing, we all agreed that either a boy or a girl could wear any color so we presumed to choose outfits in green, grey, red, brown, and yes.. blue. When we skipped back home and lay all of baby's new clothes out for display and a photo op, it was glaring obvious that these clothes screamed "boy". I sat there puzzled and wondered why we all thought that these clothes simply didn't say "girl", when I happily wear these colors everyday and frankly have never been mistaken for anything other than female. Nevertheless I immediately felt like I had somehow told the world that I was expecting or preferring a little boy which is of course untrue. The second unconscious thought was that if I bought a pair of pink pants to go with the green sweater my little girl will be fine.... guilt and internal conflict at these thoughts ensued.

Further contemplation has led to the conclusion that society and the baby retail world has forced onto us a gender socialization beyond what I was ever conscious of. A quick but purposeful look at the girls section of a children's clothing store makes things obvious. The only colors ever available in the girls section are: pink, purple, red, white and any combination of those. Whereas the boys section displays clothes of every color of the rainbow EXCEPT pink and purple. Then there's that small section of "gender not-yet-known" that only has white, yellow and pale sea-green (not however, dark green which = boy)

What does a to-be-mom who wants to dress her child in adorable, non-sexist and non-socialized-colored clothes, but in turn realizes that she has already been unconsciously subjected to these gender socializations....do? If I put my daughter in baby blue, will I feel the need to put a pink bow on her head just so everyone can exclaim how cute my little GIRL is? Will I be afraid to put my son in a pink onesie for fear that society will think that my son is doomed to a life of cross-dressing and gender confusion?

I wish I had some enlightened conclusion to announce, but alas, I continue to struggle internally with why I am waiting to find out the baby's sex before I can happily buy in pink or blue. I am leaning towards finding ways to make myself not adopt the norm rather than succumb to social pressure. Luckily I am not completely want of inspiration by a more enlightened albeit celebrity pop-star figure. So thank you Gwen Stefani who has proudly dressed her cute little son Kingston, in a pink shirt. It's all about the metro baby people!