KBB is born

Dear friends and family,

Those of you who read this blog have most probably already received U's little email announcement but I feel the need to formally e-announce to the blogosphere that my child has been born! finally! after 41 weeks exactly and after much anticipation U & I are happy to introduce our mini-me

Kai Benjamin Bialucha
Obligatory Stats: dob = 11/25/2008; weight = 8lb. 1oz; length = 22"; head circumference = 35 cm (relevancy to be revealed in due course)

Ok. Everyone has been asking, so lets start with the birth story. Be forewarned, i plan to be verbose..

After seeing the doc for my week 41 visit, I decided with his advice that it would be best to be induced as he wouldn't let me get past 42 weeks anyway. Apparently the placenta's ability to support the baby that far post due date is not always adequate for the baby and that's really all I needed to hear to decide that we would go to the hospital for an induction. Not exactly what we had hoped or planned, but hey, c'est la unpredictability of life.

Doc was on call the next day so I went to hospital that same night to have cervidil inserted and they would put me on pitocin the next morning. (Cervidil helps to ripen the cervix but does not necessary start contractions which is what the pitocin would do). My experience with the cervidil was good. We stayed overnight at the hospital and I wasn't overly bed bound or monitored and by the time I woke up, I realized that my regular labor contractions had started. I didnt need the pitocin at all which was great.

So from about 4am to about 1pm I labored. My take on labor = its exhausting. That's probably the absolute hardest part of it - going through an extended length of time with consistently increasing pain and not knowing when the pain will cease (kinda like the last trimester of pregnancy.. haha). The pain is bad, but I can't really say how bad it ultimately gets because I gave in at 1pm and asked for the epidural because by 1pm i was still only 4cm dilated. I have to say Im relatively proud of myself for getting as far as I did, and am not beating myself up for getting the meds because in retrospect it made sense anyway... you'll see.









So the anesthesiologist came and put me on epidural which did make me bed bound but I was fully dilated by about 6pm. I was then told to start pushing.

I pushed for about half an hour before they decided to remove my epidural so that I could feel the pushes more because I was not progressing well enough despite what they told me were good pushing efforts (good to know Im no wimpy pusher). I was fine with being off the epidural if it could progress things and I pushed for another 1.5 hours when suddenly i was in the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced in my life and could ever imagine. I barely made a peep besides breathing sounds during the contractions of labor, but this pain was outside of me and I was writhing by this point. The nurse called my doctor in and after he examined me whilst i was crying in pain, he said the words that i somehow remember with extreme clarity despite the pain induced haze otherwise. I use quotes but this is not verbatim.. he said "Christina, I know you wanted to deliver this baby, but he's not going to come out this way. His head is too big and its not going to happen..."

I was experiencing this intense pain because his head was stuck and pushing on nerves in my pelvis. Apparently the epidural cannot block this kind of pain even if i were still on it.

Anyways, the next thing I remember was crying "No, No, No"... I knew what was coming and was so disappointed.. i just wanted to be able to push him out, to finish the job despite the pain and/or to relieve it but that was not an option.

The doctor then said "Christina, you will have a baby tonight no matter what.." and those words gave me some emotional if not yet physical comfort.

They then all rushed out of the room to arrange for the dreaded procedure as I clung onto my bed rail and writhed and cried for help. I still have flashbacks of the pain and this part of labor daily since his birth, and have to admit that its the closest thing to trauma inducing pain I have ever experienced.

After what seemed like hours but was probably actually 10 minutes, the anesthesiologist came again and I heard my doctor say that he's seen this before and the pain is excrutiating. The anesthesiologist injected something into my IV and after a few minutes, I was completely numb chest down. I currently consider him my fairy godfather. Thank god for anesthesiologists...

I was crying as they wheeled me to the operating room but by the time i was under the lights I knew that it wasn't my fault and not to second guess every step and decision i took along the way. The operation took less than an hour and when Kai was born, and i heard his first cry, I again cried.. this time in joy.












I spent 4 out of the 5 days they suggest in hospital before I wanted out. Im glad Im home but the recovery has been a lot harder than I had imagined. I am pretty much bed/couch bound and when I ventured out for a brief walk the other day and got my staples out the next morning, the incision wound reopened a bit and now Ive been forced to listen to my mom again and remain mostly horizontal.

The challenges of the first few days seem to be waning a bit. The first night shocked U I think, as my immobility has led to him being the one to wake up at night to change and soothe KBB - a steep learning curve which i think he has accepted with loads of love and composure. The only thing Im really capable of doing is to feed him and that too started off with a lot of worry and frustration as my milk came in late. Breastfeeding is truly an "art" and psychological balance of wanting to provide the best nutrition for your child, and not wanting to watch him cry and starve because you milk supply isn't meeting the demand. We broke down and gave him a few formula supplements after the 6th day of seeing him desperately sucking on me and getting nothing and losing loads of weight and having no bowel movements. But as nature has it, my breast milk suddenly came 2 days later and as of last night he was perfectly satiated and happy without any additional supplements! Hooray!

Ive also learned that the "baby blues" are indeed real and has reared its ugly head a few times in the past week. I feel especially emotional and teary in the evenings and when I see U in particular. I have never felt closer to him after this crazy intense thing we experienced together, and seeing him makes me realize how much change is in store for our little life. Its that self doubt and questioning that pops into your head when you see your child cry, that makes you suddenly wonder whether you will be able to be a good parent or even survive this completely new and foreign life. My own personal obstacle will be to accept that there is little control to be had in all things baby related. im just so lucky to have such a chilled and happy little dude for a baby. the only thing that makes him cry is the dreaded diaper change which he absolutely hates for some reason!

And when KBB rouses from his long naps and opens his beautiful black eyes and looks at me, my heart just swells up with love. He looks so much like his dad which makes me intensely happy. I am scared but excited and looking forward to all the unknowns and adventures we will have together as we embark on this journey of raising a child and watching him develop into a person (and not just a sleeping eating pooping machine) :-)

Some pictures from KBB's first week, below for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy! if you've made it this far - thanks for reading this long long babble!