staying alive

I am posting because I know that if I fail to post something even one more day, Im going to completely give up and it will be the end of the end. Siyonara gozayimasta or however you say it to the blog that documents my pregnancy and Kai's babyhood. Simply because there's NO TIME. No time to blog, no time to eat, no time to sleep, no time to cook, clean, groom. On top of that there's not enough time with U, not enough time with KBB and the phrase "time for myself" induces a great big Gufaw!

Part of being a new parent is learning how to manage life. Its like I spent 30 years finally feeling like I had it all pretty well managed. Always punctual, pretty well put together, time for family, friends, U and the occasional self-pampering sessions. I knew that after the baby arrived there would be less sleep yada yada, but now know that my mental preparation for how whirlwind life would become after baby's arrival was poorly poorly assessed.

The thing that is crazy is that just when you think "the really hard part is over" there's more. Just more. Like we were just getting excited that Kai was learning to sit up, play by himself.. this means at least a few more minutes to ourselves right? Well no. Because simultaneously he started eating solid foods so actually while he's sitting and playing with his toys for 3 minutes I am running around the kitchen peeling, chopping, cooking, pureeing, sieving and cooling the organic sweet potatoes that will form his dinner.... omg.

The mornings are the worst. U leaves for work before we're up for the day but Kai usually wakes up not much later. He's usually a lovely ball of cheerful first thing in the morning and I enjoy the 15 minutes or so that he's willing to lie next to me and be amused by me making hand puppets whilst I try to "sleep" (ie make hand puppets with my eyes closed)..that..little..bit..more.

Anyways once he's bored with the hand puppets we head downstairs where he gets a diaper change and afterwards still is cheerful enough to play on his own for a bit. This is usually when I run around like crazy trying to prepare his bottles, the parts of my pump that I need to take to work, documents, spare clothes, diapers etc that the daycare needs, check work email in case there's anything urgent, and if I'm lucky grab a banana. But alas, in the midst of my running around, almost like clockwork, he will take a giant poo and the fresh new diaper is, well.. no longer so fresh. Sometimes, neither is his shirt, pants, jacket, the play mat, or.. Kai himself.

As a result, this anal retentive uber punctual girl is now regularly late for work. I always feel like Ive forgotten something and on some occasions, I have, and have to drive back home to get his milk for the day or something equally annoying but crucial. Sounds trivial, but hey... it took a long time to develop this beloved anal retentiveness and only took a few little baby filled months to undo it. Not an easy adjustment. I miss being able to act upon my neurosis...

After work we pick up Kai and although that is the start of another whirlwind, I can't wait even one second to scoop him up in my arms and plant a million kisses on his smiley little face. When we get home we try to squeeze in every second we can playing and talking with him, conscious of the fact that dishes are piled up, dust bunnies are abound, and the fridge is empty or worse.. filled with stuff that requires COOKING.

But dear reader as you can predict, as I always conclude after a giant rant, I wouldn't trade our messy, tardy, scatterbrained, exhausted new life if it meant I had to live even one second without my boy.